Count Cost but Begin

I was asked if I had counted the cost of being a disciple of Jesus Christ.

But what must I count according to you? My life is not my own, I am filled with much sorrow and am far too familiar with grief. I serve others even when they disapprove of what I believe. Strong desires are withheld simply out of obedience. My heart aches daily and tears have become common. My emotions try to lie to me and wars rage inside of me. I pray for those who abuse me and am poured out for those who say they love me. My cup is filled by very few. I continuously shake dust from my feet and journey on only to do it again. I shout woah to my very own soul amid the dimmest hour of night. I petition and beckon mercy while I watch my children struggle with emotions they don’t yet understand. My mind is tired because few share the language I love, and I feel like a foreigner who belongs to a rejected land. I am called to be something I can not accomplish on my own. Yet, with all this, the burden I have is light and I have perfect peace when my mind is stayed on Christ, my King who sits on the heavenly throne.

I have joy in my soul and an unshakable foundation. I know and am known by God, made new by Christ, and washed in His Spirit. Through God’s favor, I have fruit that is sweet to all who come and see. My children are made holy and stand firm in love. My thirst is satisfied, my eyes see clearer than ever before. I am adored by the God who sees all the imperfect parts of me. I have more tears of joy than sadness and never feel less of a man when I cry. I have dominion over the Earth and know where I stand when I die. I intimately know the Master of All creation who created horses with me in mind. Though my heart was broken God tended to me with His loving hand. Jesus Christ is my brother, my Lord, and the reason I can call God friend. His Spirit sustains me and will never leave me because He made my heart His home. I have joyous salvation that He petitions for the whole world to come and know. I have nothing else to count because Christ paid it all. All I had to do was repent and believe the Truth Christ has told.